


Meltdown

by orphan_account



Series: Better [1]
Category: Community
Genre: Aspergers, Canon Autistic Character, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Meltdown, emotional meltdown, like blink and you'll miss it, like very slight, pre-s5 e5, slight jeff/annie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-09-02 18:22:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16792261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Abed gets overwhelmed sometimes. Usually, he's able to keep his emotional meltdowns private, but when it happens in front of the study group, he's left even more upset.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not have aspergers, so I apologize for anything I might get wrong. I tried to do my research but I don't know everything, so if you feel I got something wrong, let me know and I'll do my best to fix it.

Sometimes, Abed gets overwhelmed.

Occasionally, after a long day he'll lock himself in the bathroom and won't come out for hours. He needs space, and besides, he doesn't like being seen this way. Emotionally vulnerable. Broken. It's happened in front of his friends before, on a smaller scale, when a routine is upset (i.e., Annie redesigning his and Troy's bedroom, Cougartown's hiatus, daylight savings time) but he's never even let Troy see him when it gets this bad.

Abed had been able to keep his meltdowns relatively private up to this point.

And then, in the middle of a study session, he starts to get very, very distressed.

It starts when he feels a tag on his shirt he must have forgotten to remove rubbing against his neck, and then the noise in the room gets incredibly loud. He can hear Britta talking about something going on in another country, and she's going on and on and _on_ and he's scratching his neck and feeling not only the tag but the entirety of his clothes beginning to irritate his skin, and a whine begins to build in his throat and he tries to stifle it but it's too late and everybody's looking at _him_ and before he knows it he's whining louder and rocking back and forth and he can hear Troy saying _hey, buddy, are you doing okay?_ and Britta saying something about an _emotional breakdown_ and everybody's commenting and asking questions and it's just so _loud_.

And Pierce is talking, because there's no way Abed could have a 'freakout' without Pierce saying something about it, and Abed doesn't hear what he says but it must have been bad because Annie and Shirley both say " _Pierce_!"

Abed feels a hand on his shoulder and he jumps, right out of his chair, and he wishes he could just disappear in that moment and stop existing or at least that everyone will stop looking at him and go back to their books, and he doesn't even realize that it was Jeff's hand on his shoulder, and now Jeff is standing up and saying _everyone shut up_ , and Troy stands up as well and cautiously approaches Abed like he's a time bomb about to explode, and honestly Abed doesn't blame him because that's how he _feels_ , and he barely hears it when Troy says _It's alright, buddy, it's alright_ but it's _not_ alright, and he's going to scream if he's in this room for another second, and with Jeff and Troy both standing up and trying to get a response out of him he feels cornered and claustrophobic, and he does what he knew he should have done before and takes off out of the room.

He can hear Troy's voice behind him, but he doesn't care, and he doesn't stop until he finds the storage closet and locks himself inside.

He feels breathless, his mind going a mile a minute and he feels his throat burning and there are tears in his eyes because he's so frustrated and embarrassed and he collapses on the floor and he's barely been there for two minutes and then there's a knock on the door and he jumps again, whining, and he hears Troy behind the door more clearly now that it's quieter.

"Abed? I'm not going to come in if you don't want me to, but I just want to know if you're okay," he says.

It takes Abed a moment to find his voice. "You can come in. Just... don't touch me."

Troy opens the door as quietly as possible and finds Abed on the floor, rocking back and forth and whimpering, his face in his knees, and Troy sits down beside him, far enough away that they aren't touching, but close enough that Abed knows he's there.

Abed has never cried in front of Troy; although Troy has cried in front of him plenty of times. Still, Troy's seen how emotionally fragile Abed can be, and so, while it is surprising, it's not game-changing by any means.

Abed finds his voice again, through his tears. "I don't want to go back to the study group. I don't want to. I don't want to."

" _Shh_ , buddy, you don't have to go back today. You can take as long as you need in here and then we can go home, okay?"

Abed shakes his head. "I have to go back. I've acted like an- like an idiot-" he's breathless again. "And I don't know what to _do_ , I don't know, I don't know-"

"No one thinks you're an idiot," Troy soothes.

"They do- _they do_ , they think I'm crazy, they think I'm an idiot- they don't want me anymore- I'm an _idiot_ , I'm just a crazy idiot- and they're talking about me, and they're saying _what's wrong with Abed, what's wrong with him, he ruined the study group- he's crazy, he's a crazy freak-_ they don't want me, they _don't_."

"Abed!" Troy says. "Deep breaths, okay? They're just worried about you, that's all. Nobody's thinking anything like that. It's all in your head." he paused for a second before continuing. "And you're not an idiot. You're not crazy, either. Not any more than the rest of us."

Abed gathered his breath, beginning to relax a bit.

"I'm not stupid. I'm not."

"That's it, buddy. Deep breaths. You're not stupid."

"Thank you," Abed says. "Thank you. I think... maybe... you can touch me now."

"Are you sure?"

Abed nods, and Troy pulls him in for a hug. Abed buries his face in his best friend's shoulder and feels Troy's hand run through his hair and he feels like crying all over again, only this time he doesn't because he's regained control over himself.

He pulls away.

"Troy, I..." Abed clears his throat. "I love you."

Troy chuckles. "Do you want me to say 'I know'?"

Abed smiles, shrugging.

"I love you too," Troy says, and means it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A day after his meltdown, Abed returns to the study group and hopes things won't be too different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm making this into a three chapter story because that's what I feel like doing. This chapter is going to be partially from Jeff's perspective.

Jeff Winger had had no intention of getting mixed up in the emotional lives of the study group in the beginning.

Of course, he knows he's getting better. Everyday he gets more and more involved in these goddamn people's lives, but the one exception to that rule had always been Abed.

They'd had their moments; eating chicken fingers late at night, that weird _Dinner With Andre_ thing, even that one Christmas where Abed went crazy thinking everything was stopmotion animated.

But aside from those instances, Jeff had always preferred to leave the whole 'dealing-with-abed's-emotional-stability' thing to Troy. He was Abed's best friend, after all.

However, even after convincing himself and the rest of the study group that Troy would handle the situation, there was still a knot in Jeff's stomach. One of those feeling things that he couldn't get rid of no matter how hard he tried.

He hadn't felt it very often, so it took him a moment to identify it.

 _Worry_.

And that's how Jeff found himself at Troy, Abed, and Annie's apartment about five hours after the whole incident went down.

It was Annie who answers the door.

"Oh! Hi Jeff!" she bounces a little bit, smiling shyly.

As cute as she is, Jeff doesn't get sidetracked.

"Hey, Annie," he grins, one of his classic Charming Jeff Winger Grins. "I actually came by to check up on Abed, is he around?"

Annie's smile falters. "I don't know if that's such a good idea. Abed's much better now, but he's a little... sensitive, today. You remember that time he freaked out because it was Daylight Savings?"

Jeff shrugs. "I just want to make sure he's okay. I'm not going to set him off, I promise. Besides, I think you're coddling him too much. Do _you_ remember how you brought him in for that science experiment and he waited twenty six hours without breaking?"

Annie grimaces. "I know, it's just... he's been rewatching the same episode of Inspector Space-Time since he got home. It's like... his comfort episode, or something."

"Is Troy with him?"

Annie shakes her head. "Troy apparently has things to do, but he's been calling me periodically asking about Abed. Honestly, if you think I'm overprotective, you should listen to _him_."

"Just let me talk to Abed, alright?" Jeff pleads.

"Okay, okay." Annie lets Jeff in the apartment, where he finds Abed slumped on the couch with his laptop open.

Annie leaves Jeff alone with him, going into her room, and Jeff sits on the couch while Abed watches Inspector Space-Time in silence.

Then, after a moment, Abed hits the space bar and the episode pauses.

"I'm not as fragile as she thinks I am," Abed says. "I don't need Troy and Annie trying to protect me all the time."

"I know," Jeff says.

"Cool." Abed says, somewhat weakly. "Cool cool cool."

They sit in silence for a moment.

"What did you want to say to me?" Abed asks, not looking at Jeff.

"I just wanted to talk about what happened today."

"Yeah. I thought so," Abed says. "I'm not stupid."

Jeff frowns, surprised. "I know that."

"I know you all are going to say that you don't think I'm pathetic, and you still like me. But you don't have to say that stuff. Because I'm not stupid, and I know that I ruined everything today, and that no one could like me after that."

"Abed, now you _are_ being stupid," Jeff says. "No, wait, I didn't mean that." he sighed. "I just mean, what you're saying is silly. Why in God's name do you think we don't like you after that?"

"I don't know," Abed says. "I mean, I already knew you guys know I'm a freak. Only, I had it under control up to this point. I always thought you guys would get sick of me eventually, and now I guess I thought that was probably what was going to happen after... y'know."

Jeff frowns. "Get sick of you? Abed, get ahold of yourself. You're in the same study group as Pierce and Britta, and... well, me. If no one's gotten sick of _us_ , why would they get sick of _you_?"

"...I guess that makes sense," Abed says. "Thanks. I think I can face the study group again tomorrow."

"No problem," Jeff shrugs. "And... Troy and Annie just care about you. I'm sure they mean well, even through they can be a bit overprotective."

Abed nods. "Yeah... I know that." he smiles slightly, nodding at Jeff as he leaves.

~

Abed arrives at the study group the next day, and everyone falls silent as he walks in the room.

 _They probably think I'm going to freak out again._ Abed thinks, and although he knows they don't know whether or not he's feeling particularly 'fragile' today, he still feels a little annoyed.

He sits down in his usual spot and tries to focus on his book despite everyone looking at him.

"So we're just going to ignore it?" Pierce asks, and everyone but Abed glares at him.

It's quiet for a while, and then Shirley speaks up.

"Are you feeling alright today, Abed?" she says in a motherly tone.

"Yes," Abed says. He knows that will not be the end of the questions.

"If you need any help, you know, I'm a psych major-" Britta starts to say, but stops when she sees Jeff shaking his head. "Fine, alright, Abed, if you ever need to talk about anything, I'm here, as a friend." she adds, "and a psych major" under her breath.

"Am I the only one who wants to ask what the hell happened yesterday?" Pierce asks, and Britta tries to shush him but Abed just frowns.

"It won't happen again," he says.

Troy cuts in "And if it does-"

"It won't,"

Troy frowns at Abed, "Well, if in an alternate timeline that happens again, we won't be upset at you for it, right guys?"

Everyone nods, even Pierce.

"Well, technically, that's for your alternate timelines selves to say, you guys won't even know if something happens in another's timeline-"

"Let's study," interjects Jeff, and Abed is relieved when everyone turns to their books and doesn't mention the incident again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abed and Troy have a talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this will just be the chapter that wraps everything up; the status of Troy and Abed's relationship, Abed's mental state, etc.""

Abed sits on his bed that night and thinks that there isn't much closure between him and Troy.

In the movies, a confession or a kiss is all the love interests need before they immediately jump into dating. But Abed begins to think that, because him and Troy aren't dating, that maybe Troy misunderstood what he meant when he said _I love you_.

Of course, Abed isn't sure what he really thinks. Nothing makes sense anymore.

He finds himself rising to his feet and wandering over to Troy's room. He knocks on it a couple of times before stepping in, standing in the doorway for a few seconds, seeing Troy sitting on the edge of his bed.

"Can't sleep either, huh?" Troy asks, and Abed nods. "I actually wanted to talk to you."

Abed quietly joins Troy on the bed.

"Abed..." Troy begins. "You know you can come to me whenever something like... like yesterday, happens. I won't ever judge you for it."

Abed frowns. "You can call it what it is, Troy. A meltdown."

Troy clenches his teeth, like Abed has just said something horrible.

"Abed... I..."

"That's what they're _called_ , Troy," Abed says. "I have aspergers. I don't want everyone to feel like they have to bend over backward so I don't get my feelings hurt."

"Yeah. I get that," Troy says. "Abed, what I'm trying to say is-" he lets out a huff of frustration. "I care about you. And I want you to trust me."

Troy's hand is suddenly grabbing Abed's.

"Are you listening to me?"

"Yeah." Abed says after a moment. "Troy, honestly, you helped a lot yesterday. The only reason I was keeping to myself during those episodes was because it's embarrassing."

"I know," Troy rubs Abed's back.

"But I appreciate your help." Abed nods. "Actually, I came in here because there's something I want to tell you."

Troy nods. "Of course, buddy. What's up?"

"Troy, I think I might have feelings for you," Abed blurts out, and he wishes he could take the words back, because he's terrified things are going to change forever now.

Troy pauses for a moment.

"I don't know if I've ever felt that kind of affection for a person," Abed says. "So maybe I'm misinterpreting our relationship. Still, I feel stronger for you than anyone else."

He stands up. "I'm sorry. Goodnight."

"Abed, don't leave," Troy says. His voice is much more stern than usual, but still somewhat soft. "I think I might have some sort of feelings for you, too. I don't know if they're, like, romantic feelings, or whatever, but I have to say that I wouldn't mind kissing you."

Abed nods. "Then... we're still friends?"

"Friends, and maybe a little something else we haven't figured out yet," Troy says.

"Cool," Abed smiles slightly. "Cool cool cool."

There's a brief secret handshake between them. Then, they pause for a moment, neither of them moving.

And then, Troy pulls Abed close and their lips touch. Abed feels something inside him that he's never felt before. It wasn't so much a passionate-heat-of-the-moment kiss that Abed had been hoping for, but this was something much softer, much gentler, and much more Troy.

And honestly, it's better.


End file.
